I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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