I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize