I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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