after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize