You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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