they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
