i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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