So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
