Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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