Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think brook has ever known best
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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