Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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