i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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