I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
