I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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