He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
