i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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