Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
