Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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