Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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