were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
