stop calling my apartment porn island.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
