I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So many bounce houses so little time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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