thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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