he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
