You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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