I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We smell like vodka and hangover
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