Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize