I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
