Whatcha textin bout Willis?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
