He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
