I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize