Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
