I wanna passion pit in your ass
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
