She said her name was "party"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
