dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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