if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
