Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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