Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize