Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
