you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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