We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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