Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
