If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize