Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
