i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
