Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
