you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
