carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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