Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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