Im at strip club and am horny
Nicole vs. Life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
