he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize