There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
