I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize