So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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