Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
