he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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