she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
