Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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