Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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