You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
