I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
