Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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