i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
