At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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