so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
