He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
