i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
