I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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