Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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