i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
