just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize