mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
