I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
