Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
