i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
