also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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