It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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