Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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