I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
