I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
