Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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