3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
