he thought i was a dude.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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