when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
should my penis look like a turkey
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
