I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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