Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
