My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
