wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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