My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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