paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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