I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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