my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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