I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
