dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
