you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
