I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
