You can't motorboat a personality
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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