I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
