so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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