I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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