Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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