My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
