I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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