Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
